Oral confessions in the big chair

January 17th, 2012 by stuart 2 comments »

Here’s a scoop, straight from the mouth of my dental hygienist. Folks, you don’t have to use dental floss!

Leslie (I only know her first name) has been scraping tartar off my back molars since 1989. She’s very gentle and saccharine in all the most positive ways.

My last appointment with her was December 23. As she lowered my chair back flat she said she was glad I was going to be her last client of 2011. Apparently, the dude in who ended 2010 acted like “a jerk in the chair” and “You’re not a jerk, Stuart.” It’s funny how confident someone can be about who you really are when they only see you for 90 minutes every nine months and your mouth is agape and stuffed with buzzing metal instruments. Still, I found it hard to believe that anyone would be a jerk to Leslie, or how acting like that would be smart considering how much power she has in her hands. Leslie is a kindred spirit in a smock.

Anyway, after the usual scrape and swish, she told me I was in good shape. There was very little build-up, and the crack in my mandibular bicuspid hadn’t widened. Maybe this is TMI, but I chew nuts on the left side to avoid pain.

As she was packing up, Leslie also volunteered that she thought red wine was probably my biggest current oral foe (something I’m painfully aware of lately). Then she ripped off her mask and declared that my gums were “the healthiest they’ve been in 15 years!”

“Stuart, there was that blip in 2008 when you came in all puffy and inflamed after that bad flu, but right now you have awesome gums!”

I felt a surge of pre-Christmas pride. And then I blurted out: “Yeah, and I don’t even floss!”

She rolled her eyes. This confession was no news to Leslie. She had stopped hounding me about using the tape back when Paul Martin was PM.

Apparently, I’ve inadvertently discovered a better way, based on a hunch that Leslie confirmed. Sort of. The new thinking is that if you use a motorized toothbrush properly, you don’t have to floss. This is not the official line of the dental industry. When I asked if she agreed that people could toss the floss, Leslie did that demure little avoided-gaze-but-nod thing. Maybe the Dental Association lords it over the hygienists to keep quiet. I’m sure there are a lot of deeply vested interests among floss manufacturers. Who knows what kind of torture techniques they would use on anyone who threatened their bottom line. They are dentists, after all.

But you heard it here first. If you’re among the 15% of people who actually floss, I’ve just handed you back a few days of your life, plus an end to the off-putting job of picking gunky strings off the nightstand. And for the rest of us who never touch the goddamned stuff, this news means there’s one less thing to feel guilty about.

And that makes me smile.

>> Fun dental facts, including: “73% of Americans would rather go grocery shopping than floss.” Well duh!
 

Things you should think twice about sharing

January 15th, 2012 by stuart No comments »

Suzy and I moved into a new neighbourhood of central Ottawa in late 2009. We only knew one couple on the street, but we were excited to settle in and make new friends. It didn’t take long, and now some of our closest friends are among our newest. That’s pretty amazing in this day and age. We’re happy here in our new home – which makes it easier now to reflect on the six weeks we spent with Suzy’s parents between when we sold our old house and when we took possession of the new one.

I love my in-laws. They’ve always welcomed me like I’m their own son. George is a terrific guy, and Freda and I are very close. On several occasions over the years since Suzy and I married in 1999, Freda has put her arm around me and told me very seriously that she’d like to remain my friend if Suzy and I ever get a divorce. I can think of no more flattering a tribute – even if it makes me wonder. But after six weeks of sleeping on an air mattress in their dining room, by the time we left the in-laws’ for our new place, they were glad to see the tail end of us.

Six weeks with my wife’s parents. Yep. And it was only as we approached the sunset of that long autumn stay that I realized that Freda and I had been using the same toothbrush – the whole time.

Apparently, the reaction to this kind of sharing is not universal. By talking about this, I have discovered that several people I thought I knew well always share a toothbrush with their spouse. One couple even keeps a “toothbrush jar” with several in it that they randomly grab when the need arises. This also conveniently services surprise overnight guests. You never know whose you’re gonna get.

What awesome randomness! Don’t you just wonder: If you have a “toothbrush jar,” what does it indicate about your other choices and preferences? Do people who share a toothbrush also do joint chequing? Is the inverse true? What else do they share?

It just goes to show that we take a lot at face value in our society. The streets in my new neighbourhood are uniformly straight; the walkways are all tidily shoveled. But you really only have to scratch the surface (or notice what’s on the back of the sink) to discover fascinating differences that can make life more interesting and rich.

So here’s some advice I’d like to share: 1) Tonight, brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Trying new things is good for your brain. 2) The next time you’re in Shoppers, go all crazy and buy several toothbrushes that are the same colour. Imagine what this simple action will do for your marriage. Oh, and toss the dental floss. More on that tomorrow.

She didn’t implode, thank God.

January 1st, 2012 by stuart 2 comments »

Alison looked nervous, but there was little I could do about it. She had picked the swarthy French guy as her buddy, so fixing up her hoses wasn’t my responsibility. By that point we were at the water’s edge. Still, I just couldn’t resist clipping her secondary air supply properly, so I just reached over and did it. She turned and looked at me, then swung around to the French guy and said, “Uh, ‘scuse me, I’m switching buddies.”

It was only my fourth scuba dive, and my second time in the clear aquamarine waters of the Red Sea at Aqaba. I couldn’t wait to revisit the colourful corals and experience the feeling of flight in schools of darting clown fish (a la Nemo). As we walked backwards on the sandy bottom in our gear and flippers deeper into the water, Alison said she had taken the plunge over 200 times. She was an advanced diver. This didn’t surprise me; the brilliant photos on her Web site and her stints with National Geographic were a testament to a lifetime of adventure as a skilled travel photographer. So here we were on the same press tour in Jordan, getting deeper. It was day 3 of our week-long tour, and I had been impressed by Alison’s calm and warm personality. She had spent a few months with the Dalai Lama, and it showed. This made her nervousness about this dive (and the fact that she had suddenly picked me as her dive buddy) even more peculiar.

The water was at our waists. We were side by side. She turned to me with a look of urgency in her sharp blue eyes.

“I had a bad accident in Laos a couple of years ago, and I’m not sure how my body will cope with this dive. Can you keep an eye on me? My doctor told me not to do this. I could hemorrhage.”

“Ah, OK. Sure,” I said, “how bad was it?”

We were now floating.

“Well, pretty bad. My heart and lungs were ripped out and now my organs are held together by a mesh bag.”

“Oh.”

Then we were under. We descended to about 100′ – the maximum depth for a recreational dive. Every few metres we exchanged a glance and a thumbs up. I kept expecting to see blood seep from her ears. Hello, sharks!

The dive was beautiful and remarkable only for its sights, not its tragedy. Alison emerged intact and relieved. She’s a good buddy. Until I found a published account of her accident on-line today, I didn’t know just how serious her accident really was. She wasn’t kidding, and now I can understand why she was nervous.

>> Check out the incredible photo collection of Photo Journalist Alison Wright.

Green. From concentrate.

April 7th, 2011 by stuart 1 comment »

My very capable executive assistant Andrea told me today that the natural state of ripe oranges is Green. “So why are they called ‘oranges?” I asked. She quite calmly and confidently asserted that oranges are called that because of the colour inside, not because of the skin. She added pointedly that she has always known this. She, 33. Me, ten years older and clearly misinformed. Then, squeezing more out of this advantage, she said, “And most people know this.” Apparently, the skin of an orange is only orange because of a chemical dye used to make it attractive for sale. She pulled it up in wikipedia. Pointed to it. Shattered my fragile sense of reality. Silly me; all these years I thought oranges were, well, Orange.

I have to say that I was shaken by this today. I mean, I know that “from concentrate” means “including the peel and the seeds in your morning beverage too” (something my wise wife has drilled into me in 11 years of marriage), but the notion that oranges are green — THAT shook me today, to the pulp.

Could it be true that something so obvious could be false? How could it be that all these years I’ve thought oranges were orange, that they would hang all cheery and plump and warm and inviting from branches — that people with sun-kissed skin would meander calmly through rows of trees and reach up to gently twist these little ripened orbs to place them lovingly into baskets destined for tissue-stuffed boxes  to be sent to my local Loblaws.

Don’t take this away from me, Andrea. I have to look into this some more.

 

 

 

In the looking glass

March 4th, 2011 by stuart No comments »

It’s been a year since my last post – mostly because I’ve been all over the map promoting energy and environmental action. Something’s been nagging at me about this, and it’s only occurred to me lately what it is: People in my “industry” seem to have forgotten why we’re doing this. The sense of urgency that turned a fledgling gaggle of energy and environmental first adopters into a global industry of social entrepreneurs has lost its way. Lately, environmental and energy conservation action is “just business.”

This scares the crap out of me. Some days I want to flee to Walden and sharpen pencils by the wood stove. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no negative, anti-corporate crusader. Nope. I’m quite happy to follow in the wide wake of folks like Adam Werbach (former executive director of Sierra Club) who dared to declare environmentalism dead and then got into bed with WalMart.

The fact is, we need stuff like clever ads, plain language writing to get people to open their eyes. Simple things. Oh, and yes, giant retail partners. This is especially true now as traditional institutions and governments seem reluctant (in Canada) or unable (in DC) to wield policy tools to bring about change. Despite a growing sense of panic, I still believe that the future rests in the hands of nimble collaborative projects made up of civil society organizations like onechange.org, marketing firms, local governments and corporate partners. But if we can’t find ways to make these partnerships work, and fast, we’re all screwed.

So look yourself in the mirror and say these things a few times, out loud: We have a serious problem. Our survival as a species is at stake.

Do you really believe it?