I’m on the wagon. It’s been four days since my last bowl of Kellog’s Mini Wheats. Things were fine until I discovered that they now come in brown-sugar coating. White was PEI trailer-park. Remember the Mini Wheat guy? The little shredded pocket with an earnest side and sweet ass. Love me! Eat me! Fun and healthy and no Kaptain Krunch. So overboard. We only got to eat the Kaptain at the neighbour’s cottage when Gram was out picking berries. I tried him and didn’t switch.
My friend Alex confessed this weekend that he broke down and bought Frosted Lucky Charms cereal. He volunteered this as I was wiping baby puke off my collar while he flipped steaks. I would have pegged Alex as a Count Chocula guy — he used to drive a ’74 hearse. We agreed that we could never let our kids eat that kid cereal crap, and he told me he’d already figured out how to have his Boo-Berry (another favourite) and keep it from his kid. Alex plans to replace the “magically delicious” marshmallow and green crisps with All Bran in the Lucky Charms box. It’s a solution that’s sure to backfire. When the kid turns 36 and wants to relive his childhood he’ll pick up a box and end up calling the store to complain when it turns his milk green. Forget sneaking behind Gram’s back. Green milk’s trauma.
It’s nine o’clock, and Loblaws is closed. I’m OK for another night. I think I’ll celebrate with a beer.
Order Mini-Wheats here. $59USD buys you a 16 case bulk order!
Visit the Mini-Wheats Web Site
Watch a Mini-Wheats ad. As much fibre as broccoli??
“Frosted Mini-Wheats are sweet. So is the taste of revenge as you write entries about all your ex’es, and their habits and hairy backs and horrific manners and annoying personality quirks.” From Paul Davidson’s site.
“When I finally turned on my DVD player and took my first bite, I thought I had reached Nirvana. You can make me drink soju, or you can make me sit through two hours of hellish boredom as I strain my facial muscles to put up a smile for two of the most uninspiring girls on earth … but no one can take away my right to watch a movie and eat Frosted Mini-Wheats. Nobody. No way.”
— From Mini-Wheats are my antidote for cynicism, by a Korean guy living in the US.
“They never gave Boo Berry a chance did they?He was always the smallest of the three cereal characters.He never really said anything to promote his cereal,He just sat there and floated like the true ghost he was.Those other two bastards Frankenberry and Count Chocula…Boy, they just took all of the fame and popularity away from him.They always blabbed and blabbed,”Blah Blah! Count Chocula is Great!””Blah Blah! Frankenberry is the shit!”And yeah “blah blah” there’s that Boo-Berry guy too, right?”
— From The Unofficial Boo-Berry Page.
Count vs. Count Chocula Web page. You decide!