Inside my drawers

My brother told me tonight to stop writing about my vasectomy.

“I only did it twice,” I said.
“Yeah, and then you did the follow up part about the soldering bits.”

It’s true that there’s only so much mileage you can get out of a little bit of spaghetti-like tubing–though I have to say I was amazed last week at a dinner party when a senior doctor (female) family friend leaned across the table over her pasta and asked me, “Is it dry now?”

She’s been a doctor and psychiatrist for 30 years and never had the nerve to ask about this before. I was touched.

“No, it’s still wet.”

So that’s it, Lowell. No more on that subject. But after you and Sharon have baby two, feel free to give me a call.

Tonight I dug into my drawers for the first time in over a year. Since I started at gordongroup, my home office has been neglected. And for some reason tonight I found myself rummaging through the little filing shelf that used to be at my side all day.

Odd what you hang on to and don’t remember why. There’s one Jasper sock, a pile of business cards from people who have probably all changed jobs. Lots of old pens and paperclips, many entangled beyond hope. They’re gone.

Here’s something liberating. Try this: Walk up to a colleague’s desk at work and ask to see inside her drawers. Grab the first pen you see. Chances are it won’t work. Why, oh why, do we hang onto pens that don’t work? There’s nothing quite like pitching a pen the moment it shows the first sign of failure. Blob on my finger and You’re Gone! Who says you don’t have power at work!?

I also found a few free donut rims from old Tim’s cups, dozens of stamps a few cents from useful, and my tape recorder. The tape still in it was an interview with former Minister of International Cooperation Susan Whelan (now a backbench Ontario MP).

Is there an expiry date for Clorets gum? Did you know that wet wipes (the ones handed out sparingly like gold on planes) DRY OUT? Should I pop those floppy disks into my old computer to see if there is data worth saving?

I’m not going to finish cleaning tonight, but I have what I need. I’ve salvaged a coupon for $25 off at Sunglass Hut, the missing foot of my portable Underwood (that now sits on my desk at gordongroup) and two cards–one of a contact at my local Buddhist monastery, and my Starbucks Cash Card. Maybe there’s still half a latté left on it. Holy drawers, I can’t wait to find out!

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