Back on the couch

I’ve thought of my former shrink Hammy (Hamilton) a few times today. At least once I thought I caught him out of the corner of my eye, trailing me. But it wasn’t him. I haven’t seen him for 3 years, since he dismissed me in early 2004 after two years of chatting and digging and relearning. I was never medicated, or even officially “depressed.” I would have welcomed pills, but he didn’t offer and I didn’t ask. Which was smart. I was just sad after multiple losses and way overworked.

Now I’m overworked and blue.

Maybe Hammy sightings are just guilt manifestations. Today I feel like the benefit of all those hours on the couch is lost. I’m beat. Our Porchlight team was in Toronto and Guelph last week setting up local campaigns. I was in Calgary and then Washington trying to expand the program. The Thunder Bay campaign is growing. Everybody loves Porchlight! Meanwhile, two more provinces want to run large campaigns and the media is starting to make the connection between bulbs and action on climate change. The National, the Globe and Mail, and CBC radio have all called.

This is all great stuff. It’s better than I could have hoped for. Better than I did. But tonight I’m tired.

Two years of therapy culminated in a simple revelation: The secret to my happiness is not that complicated: Stuart needs to spend time alone, to write, to meditate, and to simplify, simplify. Unfortunately these lessons get tossed overboard when I get busy. It’s a pattern I’ve experienced before. The thing is, I can do more and am actually better at what I do when I try to do less.

Funny. Reverse Psychology.

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