It’s 7:30 am on Friday the 13th. I’m sitting in a cafe in downtown Ottawa, enjoying a bacon and egg sandwich with Swiss cheese on brown toast. Because I only had five bucks on me, I have to wait for coffee because I enjoy having that at my desk at work. I’d be there now except I forgot my key at home. Friday the 13th. Why does this day strike fear into the modern heart (I can hear you, Suzy, “It doesn’t.”) Already today I’ve heard three random references to the date among people around me sipping lattes, carefully. I distinctly remember as a child being terrified that one year…

So the Rolling Stones are coming to Ottawa. Big deal. The last time they were here was in 1989 for their Steel Wheels Tour. That was to be there last. It should have been. I’m embarrassed for those old guys. Can they really be excited about performing the same old songs, again and again. Really, wouldn’t you get tired of doing that? It’s an amazing phenomenon how people can be so excited about something so done, so over, while at the same time, in the same town, the prospect of an election makes people yawn. Think about this: If the Liberal government is so corrupt, and so tired, why is…

My colleague Diana and I went out to meet my friend Alex at lunch yesterday. It was very sunny; we were looking for somewhere air conditioned. Diana spotted a 12″ plastic snake on the sidewalk at Metcalfe and Albert. After shawarmas Diana needed twine to tie up cedar hedge trimmings. So we went to Zellers. There we met Jackie, who said she’d rather be at Mooney’s Bay where the guy with the big snake hangs out. Later I hopped into a cab for the ride home. Alex had given me $20 I didn’t remember he’d owed me. I saw Jackie on the street so we pulled over to offer her…

Jasper has Puddy. Diana’s is Snagglepuss (oh, puhleese). What’s the Greatest Cat Name of All Time? Another colleague suggests Tapioca, but why would you name a cat after lumpy cold pudding, really? I particularly like Fradey or Scardey. Any other ideas?

The doctor just called with the test results. It’s official. I can’t have any more kids. (See Snippit of Experience, below) The lab told me I had to drop off my sample within 30 minutes of “producing it.” But they don’t provide special rooms. And when I got there at around noon, I turned my back to the reception desk to put my name on the clear sample bottle. The technician put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Look, don’t be so bashful, we’ve seen semen before.” Still, it felt strange. I’m shooting blanks.

I’m reading a fascinating feature in Harper’s about the 1500-year-old Buddhas at Bamiyan, Afghanistan. They are 150′ statues of the Buddha carved into sandstone cliffs the Hindu Kush mountains north of Kabul. Or I should have said were — the Buddha’s of Bamiyan were destroyed by the Taliban in 2001. Now the statues are being rebuilt. A UN agency is using sonar and other sophisticated equipment to painstakingly identify, number and reassemble the pieces, even though much of the masonry was pulverized to dust and pieces have shown up on E-Bay. You gotta wonder about that. Why rebuild statues in the middle of a devastated country where most of the…

Nominate a song, and receive a CD compilation of “80s Songs I Never Want to Hear Again” Suzy’s best friend Linda is hosting a ’80s theme graduation party this weekend for the Public Relations class of Algonquin College. She’s taking suggestions for the “do not play” ’80s songs. I hereby nominate “Electric Avenue” by Eddie Grant. This morning I had “Black Stations, White Stations” in my head, but I kinda like that song. Got a suggestion? Leave a comment below!

Does anyone hitch hike anymore? Yesterday I was late coming home from work and ended up taking a bus that leaves me about 3 km from my house. As I was running down Kilborn (trying to get home so Suzy could get to aerobics), it occurred to me to turn toward the traffic and stick out my thumb. I was immediately swept back to 1987 on the French Riveria. My cousin’s cousin Tyler Aspin was passing through Nice on a solo backpacking trek through Europe. I was studying in Villefranche, a small town between Nice and Monaco. After hanging out for a few days, Tyler suggested we ditch the Riveria…

Dr. Weiss doesn’t waste time. He slipped an elastic around the head and stretched it up to a shirt button. A second later — Pop! went the anesthetic needle. O U C H After that I stared straight up, sucked into the soft moss of the rainforest poster on the ceiling. “What do most guys usually say at this point, Doctor?” “Nobody wants to make a home video, if that’s what you mean.” I distracted myself by thinking what a great story this would make: “What men say during their vasectomy.” Maybe Reader’s Digest would buy that. Snipping. Tugging. A trickle of hot liquid escaping down my perineum. Is that…

A study in the American Journal of Cardiology has concluded that transcendental meditation extends life. Meditating is really powerful, very difficult, and amazing — when it works. You have to spend a lot of time fighting internal dialogue to get to the good parts, though. And perception of meditation practice is all wrapped up in Beatles, pot and squishy religious blather. It doesn’t help that the Ottawa Citizen reports today that meditating can help you “levitate.” When it works, it Feels like that, but you don’t leave the ground. Sorry. Good meditation has nothing to do with religion. Meditate on that for a while. I’d like to see a study…

Want to spend a week in PEI this summer? Consider renting Walden. I know, shameless promotion … There are a few weeks left in this year’s rental season.

SUVs are everywhere. But with gas prices soaring, and traffic often at a stand still, sometimes I just want to yell: “How many horses does it take to haul your fat ass to work?” The answer is One. My friend Juergen retrofits bikes with one-horsepower electric hub motors. Silent and powerful, with a range of 20km at up to 32km/h, the hub motor transforms an old bike into a commuter’s dream. When I told Suzy about this, she said, “Just pedal!” But I had visions of hundreds of kilometres of recreational trails opening up before me, and no sore thighs. For anyone who dreads humid morning pedalling, the ride to…

Sami Mohamad Mohamad hates cold. He doesn’t take ice in his Coke, and even ice cream doesn’t appeal to him. Yet today, Mohamad warmly embraced citizenship in cold’s Capital. It was 15C and he still wore a toque. He’s all set. We met Mohamad on a train. The Canadian cheering crew. Mohamad and Fouad with Judge Pinel (and Simon) All wrapped up about Canada.

I’m giving up Tim’s. The coffee anyway. I still like the vanilla donuts with the multicoloured sprinkles, and how the ones that fall off leave a little stain when I lick and dab my fingers to gather them all up.

We have “widow” and “orphan,” but there is no word to describe someone who has lost a child. I think it’s because the experience is unspeakable. Today we mark Jasper’s fifth birthday, and the death of his twin brother Angus. It’s really tough to celebrate and mourn at the same time. Try finding a card for that at the Hallmark store. I should probably write it. Ottawa is a good place to have a 1 ½ lb baby. The staff at the neonatal intensive care unit at the Ottawa Hospital (General Campus) was superb. Janet Brintnell is in charge of NICU nurses. She and her incredible team care for the…